A Hunter Family Tradition: Being Model Fathers To Their Children

 
 God is described as a father. That being the case, it behooves earthly fathers to do everything that's within their power to faithfully portray our Lord in this unique relationship of fatherhood to their children. This has been a characteristic that the men in my family, the Hunter family, have taken seriously. Though they may have failed in other ways, fatherhood has been passed down through the generations of my ancestry as a sacred trust.

     As a side note, I have found that Mother's Day crowds are among the largest on the church calendar each year while Father's Day is one of the lowest. There is a reason for this. Churches exalt motherhood with not a critical word uttered, but Father's Day at most churches finds men suffering through sermons of the failings of fathers. So, men by the tens of thousands, even godly men, look for reasons to miss an annual sermon listing the shortcomings of fathers and having to listen to that message in front of their children.  When I was a pastor and realized that sad situation, Father's Day at my churches became a day, just like Mother's Day, when noble fathers were lavished with honor and recognition. There are many godly men who more than deserve those tributes.

     Through the years, there was always an expectation of any male in the Hunter family that he would grow up and become a faithful and loving father. There are certain unwritten but ironclad guiding principles that are passed from father to son in the Hunter family tree in terms of successful parenting:

(1) THE FATHER WILL LET NO THING OR PERSON CAUSE ANY OF HIS CHILDREN TO QUESTION THAT HIS LOVE FOR THEM HAS DIMINISHED.

Here is something to remember....there should be nothing a child can do to make his father love him more and there should be nothing a child can do to make his father love him less. Be sure you read that sentence until you fully grasp it. The fragility of a child's heart in regards to his/her father, even with adult children, is such that a father who foolishly lets other activities or people build a wall between father and child may crush that heart irreparably for the duration of this life. A father is a father in that exclusive and wonderful God-given relationship that only his children, and by extension their spouses, have the right to enjoy. He may have friends, close friends or associates, who may be the age of his children or even younger, but if his son feels discomfort that a father's friend is intruding on that father/son bond, he will be wounded in spirit in very harmful ways from which he may never recover. No other male outside your family,  as a boy or later adult, should consider you as his father......and if that intruder tries to refer to you as "dad," draw a firm line that insists the title of "dad" is exclusively the title reserved for your family members. The same, in my opinion, is even more so for a daughter, as a lass or a grown woman. Absolutely no female should intrude on her position as "her daddy's girl" except her sister. Listen well, father! You are a symbol of God to your children. If you let others trespass into your father/child relationship and allow it to seem publicly that you have another child, you are a fool of the highest order. My two sons, Chad and Braxton, have only one father and it's up to me to see that though I may have other friends their ages or younger whom I love and appreciate, my two sons need to know without question my highest commitment and loyalty as a dad by far is to them. 

(2) THE FATHER WILL LAVISHLY PRAISE HIS CHILDREN MORE THAN CRITICIZE THEM.

Peter Lord put it this way. We need to eulogize them. We usually think of eulogies at funerals, but the word, "eulogize," literally means "to say a good word." We need to eulogize everybody.....the clerk at the checkout lane, the neighbors, the people in waiting rooms at doctors offices, etc. You will marvel at how spirits are lifted if you start eulogizing people. How much more so should that be true with children. I have the entire lives of my two sons told them that they can truly achieve whatever dreams God puts in their hearts. Till this day, I regularly tell them how proud I am of them as godly men, now as wonderful husbands and fathers, and also in their careers. I have always eulogized them; I eulogize them today, and I will eulogize them until I draw my last breath.

(3) THE FATHER WILL NEVER LIE TO HIS CHILDREN.  

God is truth. Jesus called himself "the truth." Children need to know that their father can be trusted to always give them a straightforward transparently honest answer to any question. I promised each of my sons as they lay as babies in cradles that I would never lie to them.

(4) THE FATHER WILL FIRMLY BUT FAIRLY DISCIPLINE BUT ALWAYS USE IT AS A LESSON ABOUT GOD'S DISCIPLINE.  

What do I mean by that? Whenever my sons were small and disciplinary actions were necessary, I made sure they heard me tell them that God sometimes disciplines people, including me their father, because He loves us. I always tried to do the discipline in private because I did not want my sons embarrassed. Then, after the penalty was done, I held them and told them that I would never mention this wrongdoing by them ever again because when God forgives us, He forgets it and never brings our sin to his memory again.

     In summary, my father was a simple man. He was hard-working and poorly educated but was a giant of the faith. The principles I laid out above were realities in his life as he lived it before me and my two brothers. I saw that same commitment to fatherhood in my father's father, my grandfather. Once I could hold my sons in my arms and playfully throw them in the air. Later, we played Atari and watched X-Files while munching mounds of popcorn. I remember teaching each of them to drive and repeatedly urging them to forget they even have a left foot....use only your right foot! But the most compelling memory was our ritual of eating Sunday lunch after church as we did on the Sunday before I had heart surgery that because of my blood disease could well be fatal. Before we left the table, I looked across at them and said, "Sons, I promised I would never lie to you, and I won't this time. There's a good chance I won't make it. If I don't, I'll go to heaven. If this is our last Sunday lunch, I have two words for you...'Be there!'"   After saying that, I looked into their eyes and knew they were ok.  Somehow, I felt the presence of my own earthly father who already had made the journey to the other side whisper in my ear, "Your sons are good....they're all right."  No greater reward on this earth is possible than knowing if a father or child is taken in death, they will see each other again....even death can't break that sacred bond!  Hallelujah!